I was going through my journal from beginning of this year and this one from January, coming from the stillness of my soul, still rings true. I want to share this as an encouragement for the day. Ponder on these questions and then pause for a moment. If you want to pray about it – go ahead. God always listens.
What is my heart’s desire?
What wish lay silent, unwavering in my heart?
Plant a dream seed.
Photo by Jonathan Kemper on Unsplash
I’ve committed to starting a fresh series to document my journey over the next 365 days, leading up to my golden year. It’s my personal quest to capture my own “yellow brick road” or maybe golden moment.
I never expected my birthday would turn into such an emotional roller coaster as today also marked my son’s move-in day for college. Tears are pouring down as I write this. Time is a relentless thief – stealing away moments that I am not yet ready to let go.
My son flew out of my nest
He’s been flapping his wings for seventeen summers
And today he was ready to take his journey
Photo by Robert Thiemann on Unsplassh
Calling this moment bittersweet feels like an understatement. This is our second time going through this experience, and while it hasn’t become any easier, it hasn’t grown worse either. I take comfort in knowing that a whole new world is about to unfold for my son – one that is filled with opportunities and brand-new experiences. I cherish these thoughts, take immense pride in seeing my son grow into the man I always knew he could become.
Yet, there is a profound heaviness in my heart, a mix of emotions that many parents have felt before. It’s a deep awareness that we are just but guardians of the next generation — therefore we must accept that we cannot make time slow down, no matter how much we wish we could. Oh, but time – why can you not give me more?
I know that things will start to feel better in the coming weeks, but tonight, I’m a whirlwind of emotions as I try to process everything all at once.
I don’t have any profound insights to offer, except this: cherish the time you have with your loved ones. Nothing is more important than them—not your work, not the money you have.
Waiting is not for the faint of heart. For those who find it hard to sit still, stand in endless lines, or simply bide their time, patience can feel like an elusive virtue. In a world where instant answers are the norm, finding the strength to wait can be a profound challenge.
We often hear phrases like “Hang in there” and “This too shall pass,” but enduring these challenging times is truly a test of resilience and inner strength. It’s as if you’re just one step away from letting go, yet it demands a steadfast spirit to weather the uncertainty and delays. When every moment feels stretched thin and progress seems elusive—whether it’s tight finances, a draining job, a struggling business, or an ending relationship—it can feel like every door is closing. Yet, through this adversity, finding the strength to persevere can lead to new beginnings and unexpected growth.
At this moment, it may be hard to see how your current struggles are leading to new beginnings or the opportunities you’ve been hoping for. The storm around you might still be raging, and hope may feel distant. Take a moment to close your eyes and breathe deeply. This is our chance to find calm amidst the chaos and to let go of the tension we’re holding.
This pause is not just about passing time; it’s an opportunity to find calm amid anticipation. Embrace this challenging moment as a chance for personal growth and character building. Remember, you are not alone on this journey, and drawing strength from that shared experience can help you navigate through.
I write because I know I am not alone on this journey. In my toughest moments, I hope to offer encouragement and remind others that they are not alone and that if we breathe, hope remains. Nothing is final yet. I also want to counterbalance the bleakness by sharing my triumphs and victories, demonstrating that if I can overcome challenges, so can you.
So, I press on, uncertain of how many lives I might touch, but knowing that even reaching one person is enough for me. Together, we can form a community of overcomers.
Today, my victory is breaking free from the swirling doubts that I’m stuck. I realize I am not trapped—I have choices and a family who loves and supports me unconditionally. I am truly blessed. Since tomorrow is never promised, I choose to embrace gratitude today.
What are you choosing to embrace today?
When you live with high-functioning anxiety like I do, finding mental peace can be incredibly challenging. Quiet solitude feels like a rare and elusive treasure. Now, six months after my last update, I’m finally trying to find a haven to soothe my anxious heart and mind. Despite being on an extravagant anniversary retreat generously arranged by my husband, my thoughts are still tethered to work, which continues to exert a tight hold on my mental health.
Yesterday, while spending time in reflection with the Lord, I revisited my digital diary to review past entries. In March, I had written about the need to start over, asking God to fill me with hope when it felt completely absent, and my heart was utterly devoid of it. By April it escalated, and my entry was titled “Panic,” revealing the overwhelming anxiety that gripped my heart.
This cycle seems relentless: I fill my mind with noise, succumb to worry, and then doubt begins to creep in. I drown in noise, succumb to worry, and then doubt begins to creep in. My mind erupts in chaos and pandemonium—a loud, invisible battle that remains unseen by others. Or so it seems to me.
Now is the time to trust. To release. To know I am blessed beyond measure.
So utterly favored that I was given a beautiful gift yesterday as I sat on an empty cabana overlooking the Caribbean Sea. The moment was deeply personal, but I want to share it because I know I am not alone on this journey. There in my moment of meditation and pondering, asking God to quiet my soul, lo and behold – a gift of nature. As I gazed out, a tiny hummingbird appeared before me—an exquisite, unexpected blessing given without condition.
Here’s a glimpse of my profound communion with the Creator of the universe. I have taken out some very specific details but read what the hummingbird symbolizes.
Photo by Chris Charles on Unsplash
Lord, I sit before you with my eyes facing a vast ocean, reminding me of how big my world is. You say work is not my end. It is not my future. Yet here I am worried and fearful of what will be when I get back. Please Lord, open my eyes to see what I cannot see. You have never left me at any crossroads of my life. This one is very difficult for me Lord. The burden is very heavy, so I am crying out to you Lord. I know you said my breakthrough is here.
Here is my answer my child.
Nothing is too difficult for me to handle. I am giving you what you need for your breakthrough. You need to listen and trust. Trust that I am giving you what you need. Restoration is coming. You will burst forth from within with joy. Fear is not your future.
Don’t be afraid to step out in faith. Don’t be afraid to hit new grounds. I have asked you to dream again with me. You are not done yet my dear. You are not nearly done. Isaiah 30:15: “You will be delivered by returning and resting; your strength will lie in quiet confidence”
As the hummingbird moves, his wings are invisible to you so is the work of my hands. Nevertheless, something remarkable is happening. This is what the Lord says: “Look, I am about to do something new; even now it is coming. Do you not see it?” (Isa. 43:19).
My mercy comes every morning. It’s new each day. I give you rest and solitude. It’s for. Rest in quiet confidence that I am at work. Learn to lean in and be guided. This week is your gift of silence.
I began exploring the significance of the hummingbird, and its symbolism struck me deeply. Despite their tiny size, hummingbirds can hover in place, fly forwards, sideways, and even backwards, exhibiting a remarkable paradox of nature. They embody both stillness and movement simultaneously, which speaks volumes to me. Most of the articles I’ve read describe the presence of a hummingbird as a message of peace and tranquility, symbolizing resilience and strength. They impart a sense of calmness amidst life’s challenges. This is my message from up above – that my strength will lie in quiet confidence that God is at work still. He is not done.
As I sit here today writing this post, the dark clouds in this paradise have moved on after bringing in the much-needed rain. They seem to mirror my own mental landscape: blue skies make an appearance, only for storm clouds to gather slowly, eventually pouring down in a torrent. Yet, as swiftly as the storm came, the skies clear again.
There is a new promise of blue skies and maybe another hummingbird visit. My mind is a constant battleground, but I will remember the gift of the hummingbird.
I am writing this time on a flight to Atlanta from Albuquerque and somewhere above Oklahoma, at ground speed of 672 mph. I still have 1 hour and 27 minutes before I get to Atlanta and make my way back home to Ohio. It has been a long day already with my original flight out of Dallas canceled due to the inclement weather. It was a mad scramble to find one from a different airline at 6a while dreading another notification that this new flight would be canceled as well. I dared not heave a sigh of relief – not until we were up in the air and the captain said that we would be ahead of schedule. What a morning and what a day!
Fifteen days into the new year and I am mentally spent. Pardon me if I cannot share the full extent of current situation just yet. In time, I will share and perhaps my journey will give encouragement to those who feel overburdened, overworked, overstretched, and coming up still empty. Those that I have talked to know exactly what I am going through. My family, especially my husband, has been such a source of strength and encouragement.
I want to share something that may not resonate, and perhaps everyone may not agree with, but I am hoping that in sharing, you will get encouragement and refreshing in your soul. It is easy to feel isolated (you may even be isolating yourself without even knowing it) and feel that no one understands the depths of your despair (just like Jeremiah did). I hope in sharing this, you will know that you are not alone. We need to create our village so we don’t live in an island of isolation.
Photo:Rachel McDermott/Unsplash.com
Last week, in my pondering moments and feeling some semblance of hopelessness, I asked out loud to myself while I was driving – how does hope springs eternal? Where do you find this hope that it can spring up when the ground you are standing on is bone dry? Then, I remembered, the story of Joseph. I have been studying his life for more than a year now. I said out loud – Lord, how did Joseph do it? Where did he find the courage to find hope and still praise you? He was in a pit at a young age, sold by his brothers, and yet he still gave you praise, and his faith never wavered? How? He was wrongfully imprisoned, interpreted a dream and yet still forgotten for years until Pharaoh needed his help.
Then the word resolve came to my mind. I have been ruminating on this word for a few days. To overcome fear and its grip on my current state of mind, I must resolve to have faith. Remind myself in the knowledge that faith is the substance of things I am fervently hoping for – the future that I have no control of.
That’s when it hit me – resolve comes when you choose to believe that your present is not your future. It has already passed. It cannot stay the same. Maybe this is really where the of hope springs eternal come from. Even when my reality has not changed yet, I know it will because my future is ever changing.
It is hard when you feel hopelessness is staring you in the face – an inescapable vision you cannot photoshop or the anxiety that keeps bubbling up, twisting your gut and the palpable dread you feel in your chest. Sleep evades you sometimes, maybe more times you can count but dare not mention anymore. It is hard, I am there with you. So, I draw from the life of Joseph – his faith and trust God even when his circumstances were hopeless.
This, I leave with you as I was reading Isaiah 60:1 – Arise, shine for your light has come and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you.
Last Sunday, I also heard this powerful message – for God to work through in your life, you must give Him the space. It struck me right in the core. To create the change, I must allow this space to happen in my life.
Maybe it was not a coincidence that my flight had to be canceled and I had to be rerouted – my flight plan completely different. This is probably the grace to allow me to create this space to reflect that my plans are being altered by my God who knows what’s ahead of me. I cannot see what that is but I have to believe the impossible can happen. To fervently believe that God watches over me and that, this too shall pass.
I must listen that my present is not my future.
Vian Wheatley 