In a few hours, the new year begins. It is again time for reflection and hope springing for all of us. This year has been a mixture of goodness and heartaches.
As my usual, I start with reading my journal on how I closed and opened 2023. I started 2023 with an expectant heart for expansion – for myself, my family, and our business. I prayed for balance, anchoring and centering, and for God to remind me of my first love – Jesus.
Photo by Joshua Earle on Unsplash
I did not know what to expect for 2023. My exact prayer in my journal was, “I can get overwhelmed, stressed, and frustrated. I will lose hope and feel that things are too much. So always take me back. Anchor me. Let me remember your promises, your faithfulness. I pray for balance. I pray for stability. I pray for your goodness to follow me and my family for the rest of our lives.” Looking back a year from that day, little did I know how powerful this prayer was. There were highs and lows, expected for the seasons of life.
The highs were the celebration of life and the milestones – personally and collectively as a family. The pictures that were posted on social medias or the sharing of stories about with friends and families. I am blessed, more than what I could have asked for. Impossible prayers were answered as manifestations of God’s faithfulness. The biggest highlights were our travels. We splurged on travel this year – our family’s love language.
The lows were battles fought internally, never seen in public – just shared with intimate few. Personally, I wrestled with a lot of issues, I was thinking it is my mid-life crisis. I worked too many hours and spent too little time on myself. I became a work horse and realized too late the isolation I have put myself in. I lost my verve, my passion, my creativity, my need for personal connections.
I am not afraid to say it publicly – I have a high functioning anxiety and sought help for the first time. There were too many panic attacks at night, tension headaches that won’t go away, and the perpetual throbbing neck/shoulder pain. I was paired with a mental health coach who showed me how to work through my issues. I am reapplying boundaries and avoiding thinking traps that can make me spiral down quickly. I am still a work in progress – it is not easy.
I also realized in my deep moments that God led me through my mountain top season, not a mid-life crisis. I am learning the meaning of full surrender. It is hard my friends. It is hard to give up the worry because in doing so, you are not in control anymore (you never were). Trust in the process – it is excruciatingly hard. Write them down so that when you descend from your mountaintop experience, you can look back and marvel. My journal reads of pains, heartaches, doubts, fears, hope, excitement. In between pages, there are promises given for the future. I am also giving myself the chance to rediscover myself with new things.
All these are still with me as I wait for the new year to start. A few hours won’t change them in an instant. I am, however, positively hopeful that my situation will change in the first quarter of the year. There will be major decisions to be made – bold ones that will get me out of comfort zone. I am approaching this year from a position of victory not of fear. It’s a mindset change. It’s a lifestyle change. It is saying I am going to live the glory days that God promised for me and my family.
If you are reading this, let us help each other up. Connection is a big key. Let us welcome 2024 with a positive outlook that our lives will be more meaningful. Let us have that fire in our bellies once more.
Happy New Year to us all!
Vian Wheatley 